Whatever It Takes
Almost 6 months of hard work for the main thing to be nailed before the final march on March. I gave all I got- soul, heart, sweat and blood. I was drained, always tired, always hungry, and always thirsty for energy and ideas. There were nights that I was being haunted by nightmares of thesis as I sleep… times when I contemplated about the defence scenarios. Times when out of the blue, I just felt worried about tomorrow knowing my time was already running out.
Since it would be the last plate before I graduate, I wanted to get a subject that would mark in this time of my life as a student. I want to remember all the sting and hard knocks from this experience and to do that, I should make it like a self-inflicted scars beneath my flesh. I chose to challenge myself, to get a complex and complicated in nature kind of project with sensitive and broad scope. Indeed, selecting a prison facility as a thesis was never a piece of cake.
[It is a feast of most of what I’ve learned through 5 years of BS Architecture from housing, to hospital, religious facilities, school, office, sports facilities, security planning, landscaping, court rooms and everything in between.]
There were times that crying was all I could do to release all emotional, physical and intellectual stress. I thought I was weak. I was weak enough to lose hope on myself, in life, in God. But I have realized that it was I who will decide in my future given that I am fortunate enough for the resources I need through my parents, that I hold my victory with Christ helping me all right the way through. I’d always tell myself, “gawa lang ng gawa, hanggang kaya.” But thank God, I got through my endorsements and deadlines on time with just believing in myself that I can.
On Setting Expectations and Getting Disappointed
Nobody told me not to be too much hopeful of great outcomes. Perhaps I must have gotten so much confidence for my work and effort. Although not aiming for an uno, I knew in the back of my mind that I would pass my thesis and get a considerable grade because, I gave all my best and I know everyone did too. But I sacrificed many things just for this- Semestral Break, Christmas Break, etc. However, due to intricacy of planning A LOT of spaces considering the best circulation possible, I unintentionally sacrificed the aesthetics (which is indicated in the consideration of having the concept of Utilitarianism). The time to get all things done was very limited and it was all used for the planning part. Given that I focused more on designing the most effective plan for a prison facility, my work was judged about its building character which I didn’t give much attention to. Defending the only tricky question they asked from me was a pretty slap on my face, it was the only question the head juror asked from me and he was leading me to just agree with him and wouldn’t open his mind to take my concept, so I gave him what he wanted to hear. I must be thankful for that though, na at least, yun lang. On the other hand, I am grateful that there were no major questions about the planning, circulation and program – so hard work paid off on this part.
Well, thesis defence session went out smoothly, there were only few questions asked, far from considering it as guisado, and fortunately,I got through it with no sweat. Since defence turned that way, I was hoping for a very good grade.
Thank God, I got a good grade, minus the very. It is unusual to receive a blank jury comment/s area on the grading sheet, so I was a little surprised and flattered, or maybe they were lazy to put some. I am also thinking that it is possible that they do not have sufficient ideas regarding my project so they gave me that grade. Honestly, it was hard to accept that I didn’t reach the target grade that I wanted, but I’m still lucky to have passed it considering the complexity of the project, just like designing hospital facilities, it is also considered a suicide. Some remarks were also hard to accept most especially when the impact of it is a little degrading and personal. Honestly, it still hits me inside until now. . Acceptance is the key and will always be the key. Yes, it damaged me however I am also considering it as an inspiration for to prove the world wrong of what I can do in this career I’m taking.
The main thing is, I am graduating very soon, and that is nothing but bliss.
Thesis Tips for the next post!